Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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