I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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