It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
