Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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