Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
