sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
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