This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
