what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
