hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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