On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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