You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
