i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Randomize
