I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
