We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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