pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
