i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
