bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
