I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
