You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
