I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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