I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
