alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
