Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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