I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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