Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Ketchup is God's man juice
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
