Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
