Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
