R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
