you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
