His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
