im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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