I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
