her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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