i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
