She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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