And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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