According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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