By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My vagina is officially offended.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
