I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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