He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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