She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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