ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
