yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
