I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
