I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
