Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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