That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
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I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
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You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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