I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
