sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
