i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Blood and glitter go together right?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
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