i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So vagazzling was a success
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
