So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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