Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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