I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
