You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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