God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
