CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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