Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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