Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just had sex on a roof
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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