i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
