can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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