I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
