wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Randomize
