Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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