i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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