i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
