i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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