but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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